Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
