I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
