if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
