I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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