Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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