i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
