and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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