my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
