He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
