put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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