Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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