I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
