You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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