No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
