Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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