We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
