Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
