dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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