I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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