WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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