I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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