So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
