I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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