I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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