Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
