i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
