My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
