Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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