Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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