First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
