Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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