I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
