that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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