Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
