and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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