He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
