party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize