That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
