I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
