how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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