You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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