You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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