Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
