i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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