Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
