Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
