I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
