Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
