That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
