im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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