Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
