Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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