forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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