there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
