guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
