4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
