im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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