Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
