The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say