the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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