i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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