I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.