He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.