can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.