You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT