She is in my trunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.