I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
