no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
