took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
