if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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