he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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