Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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