My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
