I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
