the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
