i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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