Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
