i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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