just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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