Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
