So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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