please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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