i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
